Saying no well.

Why no belongs to the dance

Contact improvisation asks your whole body to be available to someone else. That only works if you can also withdraw. Every dancer, however new, can say no to any dance at any point, with no explanation owed. Please read safety and consent for the rules of the room, and the blog post on consent and saying no mid-dance for a longer example.

Martin Keogh's essay 101 Ways to Say No to Contact Improvisation works through situations a dancer meets, including not being warmed up, dancing around an injury and an insensitive partner. He writes that even after four decades he is still learning this. If a teacher with that history says it stays hard, a beginner can forgive themselves for finding it hard too.

Declining a dance

Someone looks at you, offers a hand and waits. You do not want to dance with them right now. Say it before the dance starts, because it is far easier than ending one.

• "Not right now, thank you."
• "I'm resting this one."
• "Not this time."

Pair the words with your body. Smile if you want to, keep your hands low and your weight back, and look at them while you speak. You do not need a reason, and a reason invites a negotiation.

Ending a dance early

You can stop at any moment, including halfway through a movement. Start with the body. Lighten your weight, soften the contact and make some space between you. Most partners read that straight away.

If they do not, use your voice and use it plainly. "I'm going to stop here, thank you." Then step away and take a break at the edge. You do not have to stay to explain, and nobody in a well-run room will ask you to.

Naming an injury or a limit

You can protect yourself before a dance begins. "My left knee is sore, so no weight there." "I'm not warmed up, so slowly, please." "I'd like to stay low to the floor tonight." You are not obliged to share a diagnosis. Give the partner the part they need to dance safely with you.

Hearing a no

When someone declines you, say "thank you" and move on. Do not ask why. Do not look wounded, and do not try again a minute later. A no tells you about that person's evening. It does not rate you.

The same goes mid-dance. If your partner lightens the contact or steps back, follow them. The quickest way to earn a yes next time is to take a no without any fuss.

Try this: say it out loud

Alone, say five of the sentences above aloud, in a normal voice. Say them while standing, then while moving. Many people discover they have never said "no, thank you" without apologising. Practise until you can say it without a rush of words after it.

Try this: yes, not yet, no

Pair up with someone who knows the exercise is a drill. One person holds out a hand. The other answers with the body only. A yes steps in and takes the hand. A not-yet holds still and lightens. A no steps back and lowers the hands. Run each answer three times, then swap. Afterwards, tell each other what made the answer easy to read. Clear signals look a lot alike from one person to the next, and you can borrow the ones you saw.